So, I am brought before you once again, bound to some sort of maniacal wish to once again bang on my keyboard until the right words come out in the right order. Hopefully that might happen sooner thatn expected, but until then, i;m going to tell the tale of when I decided to go down to the bank.

It was a non-stressful morning, what with my toast popping out and into my eye the exact minute I decided to look into the toaster, so as you can expect I was in a very non-stressed mood as I went to collect my mail. Apart from the usual "Increase Your Bosom Size" flyers, I had a statement from the bank stating that the state of my money was quite frankly, in a state of peril. I had not paid my "mandatory bank dues" that the Branch of Satan (sorry, Branch of "Stanford") requires as a bill to hold your money. That's right, you had to pay them for them to take your money. Logical.

So, I took the next bus into town, promtly remembering to swear at the bus driver who continually closes the door on me when I walk out of the bus (the joke is on him, I've been photocopying my tickets for years), and walked to the bank. I could have sworn the sky turned a shade darker. Anyway, as I walked in, I was given an all-too-intimate body search by one of the burly security grunts, but luckily I remembered my cup, much to the grunt's dissapointment.

Walking up to the counter, I noticed that I was the only one in line, yet I was being forced to take a ticket and sit in a seat that ressembled the worse half of The Terminator. I'm still picking pieces of metal out of my flesh.

An HOUR later, I finally went up to the desk, and was told to fill out some forms. Complying, I filled them out, handed them, and swore mentally that as soon as I get home i'm going to put a bounty on the clerk's head, wanted dead or dead, whichever came first. Another hour of waiting later, and the clerk tells me i've filled out the wrong form. Apparantly, i'd filled out the AA form, where I needed to fill out the Aa form. How you are supposed to recognize capital letters in mid-sentance is beyond me, so I filled out the form again. 30 minutes later (thank god for gameboy) I was called up and asked what my problem was. resisting the urge to yank the toupee off of the guys head and scream "DIE HAIRLESS DIE!", I said that I hadn't paid my dues.
"Oh", wig-man replied, "just pay them up front."

Twelve seconds later, with one felony commited (apparantly stealing a person's wig is considered a state offense, and then proceeding to beat him over the head with it while yelling "I'll show you up front, you hairless bastard!" is federal), I exited the building (holding my cup just incase burly got any ideas) and walked home. Luckily, no-one actually saw me, due to the extreme metephorality of my bank, and as such, the story, and everything worked out alright.

Then I found 5 dollars, which covered the cost of everything.